July 21, 2022

Trading out rental cars or having them inspected as in my case, inevitably leads to a few challenging nights spent in hotels. The dread washes over me days before I even know where I'll attempt my stay. I've seen all sorts come and go from the halls of these posh establishments, which meant the front desk had as well. Most recently, I watched a pair of young backpackers weaving their way down the hall, wearing dirt laden boots and moving like the world had been on their shoulders for a day too long. The way I saw it was that they were young, attractive and adventuresome and in need of a real bed. My scenario wasn't quite that rosey. I decided to up my game. I first apologized for my appearance and came clean about camping for the last month to better my health. All three of these introductions went well and it gave them an "in" to talk about their three-week Eagle Scout camping trip and it opened up the reality that a particular room assignment may not work for me.

Two nights in a row, right before i left Wyoming, I was taken off guard by intense wind and threatening thunderstorms. I cheaped out on a thirty dollar Walmart tent, which after unpacking, I realized had no guy lines. The poles were freestanding, spindly and screamed back- yard kids sleepover. How could I have been so naive? I often find myself juggling expenses and knowing better. I paid my price now, in the darkness, kneeling with arms overhead steadying the flimsy structure as the unpredictable gusts came and went. I closed my eyes. Thunder rumbled and flashes of lightning illuminated the space assaulting my vision. Me and lightning have a history from dancing blue orbs to flat out being struck, so I live with a certain respect and fear as well.

I never liked doing any work over head either, because you can only take it for so long. These were the nights i was counting on to get through the next few days for the drive back to Salt Lake. With very little sleep, and temperatures rising, i woke early and steadily packed my camp into the car. i disassembled my play tent. Two of the poles were broken. I'm baffled. How it had held together after those back to back storms? Those gusts were probably 50 miles per hour. A few of you folks out there, (you know who you are) keep saying to me "The angels are watching you." I'm thinking this just might be true. I did a final visual a sweep making certain the land was pristine.This was my home for an entire month, the longest thus far. I knew where to dodge the prickles, i had befriended a kooky bird and familiarized myself with the winds and the distant night sounds of the bellowing bull elk.

An eagle was free flying high above me. I heard that screeching call, a combination of bonechilling and glorious...the Majestic Eagle. I googled the sound once to be certain that's what i was witnessing.

Indeed it was. The bid of farewell.

I drove for 7 hours and arrived at my first hotel pick. I was escorted to a room to see if it would work for me and my sensitivity, being gracious and appologizing the whole while. This is when I realized my body had changed. Less than 2 minutes in one of these rooms and it hit me like a brick wall. I felt the flu-like symptoms coming on, the aches, the nausea, the headache, the inability to think of anything but the imminent warning for me to get out.This is when you know you have to maintain the composure of politness as your whole body is reeling to escape. Every second adds on a longer recovery...and i still needed to find a place to sleep.

Oddly, this is a good thing, because rather than waking up sweating and unable to breathe at 2 am, being stuck in a prison of pain, the body tells you right away to run. We call this unmasking.

The fine tuning of our awareness so that we may heal. I moved on to the next hotel and having been newly renovated, it was fine.

It still felt like a prison.What will become if me? I longed for the air that couldn't be provided to me here. A screen, an open window. I studied my surroundings and how foreign it had all become. Everything was so white and clean with square edges. The toilet was even square.Nothing was organic in shape or material. Everything was plastic. The laminate flooring, the tufted vinyl headboard.The fake wood pedestal where the matress rested, the dresser drawers all composite and glue, even the drapes had the blackout quality of a latex backing. Petroleum-based. Everything going into my lungs, your lungs, everyone's lungs.It reeked of plastic.This is a room that three months ago, i could not have entered.

The next day, i drove on to Provo where I spent 3 hours at a carwash removing all evidence of my desert camp. A sign dictated a 15 minute maximum stay and along with the many rules I ignore these days, I carried on until the task was complete. I stopped several places to gather more supplies and replaced my play tent.

After another trial with hotel rooms, I slept. Next morning,I arrived at the rental place when they opened at 8 AM. Laslo, a pumped up young guy wearing a mustache who looked like an 80's rookie cop greeted me. I would be driving a Ford Explorer. He had picked it up from the airport the previous day. My on-going complaint was of poor air quality and he assured me this would not be the case on this go round as the Explorer had only 69 miles on the odometer. He trusted me now and gave me a card with the name of a woman to call for extended rentals, offering a better deal and the option of no longer having to return monthly to Utah. Man was this good news.

I drove my old rental around back and unloaded the storage bins filled with my life of chaos and returned to the office. A line had formed in the short time I'd been gone. With a loose idea of a destination, I wanted out of there fast so I could get my tent set up to sleep for the night. An hour passed. When it was my turn, I'd asked whether the vehicle had 4 WD. Slightly alarmed, he responded. "We don't encourage our drivers to go off road." "Oh sure," i responded, slightly shamed. "Its just that if I need to turn around... I'm all alone, and I like that security." I left outta there chuckling to myself. God, if these cars could talk. I spent the next three hours wiping down every bin I had three times each using soap, water and dry microfiber cloths until I felt sure, I was leaving the worst behind.

I left the city and accepted that I had become attached to that red Toyota 4 runner. It rode high and I could see everything around me. It was easy to find in a parking lot because it was red, and It had some honkin' tires on it too. It did me well. I grieved a little. I peered at the time. It was noon. My whirlwind was over. I felt a weight settling in, one I could not push through. I had been fighting to get to this point since Tuesday night holding that tent in place during wild winds, lightning and panic and the next night as well. The miles i had traveled both on the road and in my mind... It was Saturday. As much as i hated to admit defeat, i needed to find a place to stay and begin fresh in the morning.This meant three nights in hotels. I returned to the plastic, petroleum palace in park city, showered and fell onto the bed waking around seven in the evening. I rose, took a hot bath, leaving a wicked bathtub ring (which, i tidied up) and slept on through the night.

I got into the car and while acquainting myself with the controls, pushing buttons and spinning knobs, I tuned into a radio station warning of a manhunt. Some deviant got out of jail on $5,000 bail, cut off his ankle monitor, then shot and killed his girlfriend. He was known to go camping up in the mountains. "Precautions should be taken to those who are camping in the area." My overnight short term plan was dashed now. I called Atticus and he agreed, i should move on up the road. He is my location Guru now. He's used his NASA skills to compile data in map form with my criteria so I'm not shooting in the dark. It's amazing! We came up with plan B. Plan B entailed a six hour drive and if all went well I would arrive with just enough time to pitch my tent, and shower. I turned off the highway and headed down a dirt road. I pulled over after going up and down and around tight curves with drop-offs. The driving was pretty intense so I consulted google maps. Like 3 times. "Geeze," I said aloud, head pounding, neck ridgid, "You really are crazy." He didn't say I'd be driving an hour and a half down a dirt road, and to where? At the half way point, i had gained a little too much confidence with speed and impatience. I rounded a curve that opened up to 75 maybe a hundred antelopes. I stomped the brakes and let off, i pumped again lighter this time to slow and avoid a swerve. I tried to do a head-count by tens for some idea of accuracy. It was, by all means, an an antelope party. I had never seen so many magical creatures all in one place. The road narrowed as i turned into the road i was looking for. I passed blackened mangled trees, branches curling downward in grief, with needles still clinging from the chemicals that had extinguished their flame.I cursed, kept driving and could feel it weighing me down adding more to my already tired body. I had no time to find another place to sleep.I went a few miles in and it opened up to grassy fields with long drives to wander down and explore. Thankfully the damage was well behind me. I had no time for exploring. I ventured into the first place i found, scouted a good spot for my tent and unearthed my stove. I put water on for my bath and sat in my chair nibbling on an apple. All of a sudden a hummingbird appeared by my side urgently pulsing it's wings, startling me, mistaking my yellow bandana for a sunflower, I suppose. After I calmed, I kind of giggled. I'd never heard the racket of those fast flapping wings so close to my ears. She was fearless!

Behind me, perfect, enormous Christmas trees towered this side of the field. I had them flocked with frosty snow and giant orbs in no time.

I could see a part in the trees and rocks ahead where mountains showed their peaks. Every place until now, it seems the air has gone around me. Here it goes through me. I breathe it in an out with little effort. This is wild country here with clean air. But it's a long and slow pokey hour and a half drive back to civilization to go for supplies. I have yet another countdown of 14 days, unless I stick to ignoring the rules. What a ride that was, and once again, I am still here, thanks to you all.

I am so humbled by you're helping me to heal. I do have a cell signal if I walk a little less than a mile. This time, my car made the climb, so I'm on top. I should look into the elevation. It's quite the blustery world up here. My best to all of you, until next time. The view from here.