May 18, 2022

Being on the road like this has my eyes wide open to the homeless. For three years now, it has gutted me to see how these folks are shuffled about, humiliated and abused. They are hungry, scared, broke, alone and more than likely unwell.

I too, believe it or not, have been homeless for two of the three years I've been ill. I've been through about a dozen tents and slept in some of the oddest of places. It's not because i don't have a house. I have two of them. I just can't live in them because my body rejects the building materials, the paint on the walls, the flooring, the cabinetry. Nor can i tolerate other people's homes for these reasons and more including the cleaning products, the air fresheners the laundry detergents. You name it. And the mold... you may not think it's there, but it usually is. It's not an insult. It's nearly impossible to avoid. Most homes have just enough to make me ill simply because i had an overload of exposure to the really toxic stuff day in and day out for years, unknowingly. It's hiding behind the walls or under the dishwasher or behind your fridge or in your washing machine.It's maddening. Finding a hotel has been utter hell. Requesting sniff tests before securing a room gets some serious eye rolls. It's humiliating.The covid cleaning protocol has exacerbated this as well. And it ain't cheap.Today, amongst many other days i caught myself saying aloud, "i just want to be normal. Why can't i just be like all these other people walking around like everything's normal?"

Years ago, i wouldn't be caught dead wanting any such thing. The truth is, there are thousands and thousands of people like me with the same exact symptoms.

I'll be pitching a tent soon, which is my only path to healing anyway. Outdoors, in fresh air.This will be a real trial. Against my better judgement, around midnight a few nights back, i googled the wild animals of my next "airsploring" state. Oh boy was that a grave error.

Today, i took a side road behind a Walmart to confer with google maps. I noticed a few low lying bushes and trees and thought, if i needed a place to sleep, I'd pick that spot....a respite of shade in this unrelenting Arizona heat. I often see places that i carve out in my mind for a place to sleep.

Not too far away , i saw an older, bearded man with a large clear tub of birdseed scattering the seeds about. Soft silver doves flocked all around him cooing as if this was his daily ritual. I made a loop and watched the fellow disappear into my imagined sleeping place. The homeless bearded fellow had these soft feathered friends as his pets. This made my day. His joy was mine now.

I am leaving Bisbee and Arizona tomorrow. Sadly, the air did not agree with me here. Another fail. The fires and smoke were too intense.The flame retardants that are dropped from the skies made my flesh, eyes and lungs burn. I will say, however, my friend Alison has a castle for a home nestled in her desert oasis...a plethora of visual delights for your eyes to feast upon. Enjoy.

And a gracious thank you to you, Alison and your crew of fine people. I love your inner strengths and the strong woman you have become.